First of all, I need to say that I did not see myself before as a fat person.

In the top of my 100kg in January this year (and a little bit more a few years ago) I didn’t look myself in the mirror. I didn’t choose the clothes that I wanted to wear but the ones that would fit me. I didn’t look direct into other people’s eyes, I was always making jokes about my own body and every good thing that’d happen in my life I’d celebrate with food. I’d eat because I was sad, anxious, worried.

I’d eat to remember something, to forget about something, to relief the pain.. Everything was always related to food and even then I did not think I was fat.

But despite the happy appearance and never feeling intimidated by or inferior to the most beautiful women, I wasn’t really happy. The ones who saw right through me, realized that sorrow followed me like a shadow.

I have a 12 year old son, who was born very premature and have a physical disability. Thank God he’s fine today, but in 2009 I tried a second pregnancy because I wanted a normal pregnancy. I wanted to see how it was to get out of the hospital holding my baby. But it looks like it wasn’t my fate and I lost the baby in the fifth month of pregnancy. I remember when I left the hospital and went to my doctor. She told me I should eat. Eat whatever would give me pleasure until I wouldn’t feel the pain any longer. She said I needed to soothe and that was the way I knew. And that is exactly what I did. Ate up until I almost exploded.. until one day I realized I was completely wrong. I was not just sad but I was treating myself as trash.

When we eat because of an affective shortage, because of anxiety, sadness, tension.. we forget the satisfaction lasts just a few seconds. We feel that momentary pleasure and then we have more hunger.

This way we obviously gain weight once we focus only on the food. Food should not be a prize. Do you remember when you were a child that if you behave well or eat all the food on your plate you’d win a chocolate or some sweet? Unfortunately when we grow up, we realize that if we eat all the food that is in front of us plus a sweet prize (i.e.: dessert), yet, we will only gain weight!!

So start today making better choices for you. Think about your future.

I was fat because I solved all my emotional problems eating. Today I go for walking, try to decrease anxiety chewing a gum, going to the gym, doing my workout… and from the moment I realized that soothe my sorrow with food was a wrong solution, I began to change and make better choices for my body and my life.

You can also do this.

Start every day if you must to… but do not give up!

See you soon,

Ale Paintinger

Translation (Portuguese – English):Luciana Heinrich

8 thoughts on “Why I was fat

  1. Andressa

    Parabéns Ale!!!! Sua força de vontade nos contagia!

  2. Lis

    Puxa… Me vejo assim, como por tudo comida me dá prazer.

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